There was something in the way
she dismantled herself—
the way she pulled fire from the sun
and burned;
the way she lay face down
in the rubble, breathing in
ash and despair;
the way she tasted the destruction
before she carved herself anew
from the black sky.

This is an excerpt from a piece I’ve written for my book.

Song of Flames

They tell you to follow the sun
as if night isn’t upon you
as if the shadows aren’t real

but night is still upon you

The thing in your mouth, copper hush
rage whispers
silence screams
until you sing your song of flames:

Let them come
Oh, let them rage
Let them find me in the shadows
Let them say my name
And quake

They tell you to let go
as if you’ve unpacked your pain
as if you’ve poured it into the earth

but hell still sits in a suitcase

The thing in your belly, it knows
the magic lies in the coming apart
in the middle of the wreck
in your every season
and every room
it waits

Hurt is hard to feel
but still the wound must speak
and speak it does
before you heal

They tell you to sit on the moon
keep fishing dark skies for stars
as if hope isn’t hanging by a thread of nostalgia
as if you didn’t notice the rage behind the flowers
before they were plucked from your garden

but his hands are still entangled in your hair

The thing in your center, it calls
little by little
in waves
it comes

Pull up a chair, sorrow says
out of body, slip
you will rebuild yourself
but first, rest

I Wonder

I get to thinking about how long
I have carried things around with me;
things I am not certain
I will ever unload;
things buried so deep
they are embedded in my soul
and perhaps beyond my reach.
Is it even baggage anymore
or has it broken down
and been absorbed?
Is it in my blood and bones?
I wonder

The Return To Myself

We get attached to people, things, jobs and then one day we realize we are no longer driven by passion, but rather routine and obligation. We are too comfortable and it’s killing us. Fear keeps us in places we’ve outgrown just as much as it forces us to change and step out of our comfort zones.

It has been an arduous journey to this point. Sometimes it’s hard to recognize when you’ve had enough; to know when you are ready to level up, but I have finally arrived, and I am ready to start doing whatever it is that I need to do to feel like me again.

I am ready to return to myself. 

I have spent a long time being unkind to myself; in a multitude of ways. It stops here. I am no longer showing up if it’s draining me and making me miserable. More boundaries and less apologies from here on out.

I am going to take better care of myself. I am going to read more, get out and enjoy nature more, and write more. I will feed my body better, go for walks, blast the music and dance like a maniac around the house. Maybe in my underwear.

I am going to do whatever it takes.